How to Communicate Better with your Mom

how do i communicate better with my mother

You are not alone if you are trying to figure out how to communicate better with your Mom. Mother-to-daughter and mother-to-son interactions may be challenging at times.

While there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship, there are a few things you can do to enhance yours and make your mother feel more loved and appreciated while you’re at it.

To communicate better with your Mom, you may have to go out of your way to create a relationship that will allow you to open up to one another and enjoy each other’s company. Simple changes in your communication style, such as making time for each other, listening, not speaking over one another, having patience, mutual respect, and showing control, can go a long way to improving your communication.

You probably chat with your friends more than you talk to your parents. This is natural even if you and your parents have a terrific connection. Still, having excellent communication with your Mom is helpful, as this makes it easier for her to offer guidance, counsel, and support—something we all need, especially as young adults.

If you don’t have a relationship where you frequently communicate with your Mom, getting started may be a little challenging or awkward, especially when discussing sensitive topics. It may also be complicated if you haven’t spoken in a while, if you are not used to sharing intimate details, or if you have kept too many secrets from her.

But no worries. Getting started can also be a lot of fun. Most moms are excited to build a relationship with their grown children where they can share more time, exchange tips, work on fun projects, entertain one another, and communicate better.

I recommend you also read, How do I Communicate Better with my Grown Son?

Below are Tips on How to Communicate Better with your Mom:

Make an effort to Talk Frequently

According to an article on Psychology Today, “Positive Chats Heal Negative Interactions.” Discuss mundane matters. Make it a habit to chat with your parent about everyday events. Share what works well for you. Tell them about a pleasant aspect of your day, a grade you’re pleased with, or a humorous joke a buddy told you.

In learning how to communicate better with your Mom, understand that talking frequently allows you to be closer and enjoy each other more. It also makes it easier to share sensitive information.

Show respect When you Communicate with your Mom

Some people are more respectful to those with individuals they don’t have a close relationship with than they are to those around them. For this reason, it is easy to see moms and their children showing disrespect to one another when they communicate.

Disrespect can be shown when you talk over each other, not allowing one to complete their sentences before cutting them off, ignoring them, raising your voice, throwing tantrums because you don’t like what you hear, and so on.

To communicate better with your Mom, you should be respectful when conversing with her.

How do I communicate better with my mom

Share Your Everyday Details

Call up your mom and share stories of your daily experiences. You may keep it quick and informal. Discuss your team’s performance at the track competition. Share something one of your instructors mentioned. Inform them about a school project. Share an amusing post or image. Even simple discussions like what’s for dinner might keep you feeling connected.

Engage in Activities you both Enjoy

Think of what you both enjoy doing and invite your Mom to join you. You can decide to take a stroll. Work out together. Cook, dine, play, make music, help out, or hang out together. This provides you the opportunity to conduct a casual conversation.

Ask Your Mom’s Advice

Moms have a lot of experience with different issues and love to share their knowledge. On the other hand, many young adults hate to take advice from their most as they feel this minimizes what they know.

If you really want to know how to communicate better with your Mom, it may be time for you to start listening to what she has to say.

It’s Never too Late to Start

If things feel strained between you and your Mom, it is never too late to start building a relationship. A little interaction at a time may allow both of you to ease into a relationship. Mention that cute thing the dog did. Watch a funny movie together to share a laugh. Talking about little things might be a way to get closer if you need to.

A good relationship is the first step to communicating better with your Mom.

Things That Could Ruin Communicating with Your Mom

Emotional Outbursts

You may never be able to avoid upsetting your mother completely, but you may strive to communicate in a “positive-enough” manner, which includes avoiding emotional outbursts.

Shouting, screaming, and crying are all ineffective ways to communicate. But

When you’re furious with her, giving yourself some distance is beneficial. “If you’re unhappy, don’t call or talk to her now.” Wait until you’re calm and ready to have a more productive talk because many damaging things are spoken between parents and children while emotions are high.” Process your feelings, do what you need to relax, and then communicate what’s on your mind.

Lack of Appreciation

Gratitude can go a long way with Mom. Being appreciated is very important. Many Moms feel that their hard work and kindness are taken for granted or undervalued. As you get older, you will understand that many moms have put in a lot of effort to make your life easier.

If your Mom seems a little bitter and doesn’t want to talk to you, run a mental checklist to see if you may have done something to show a lack of appreciation towards her.

A simple thank you can go a long way. Or take that extra step and send her some flowers.

Avoiding Fun

Infusing your relationship with joy, laughter, and happy memories can be a game-changer. “Having fun with your parents is so important. Your Mom is a human being, too; she likes to have fun—create opportunities to make this possible.

If a trip isn’t in the cards, do something fun, like going to a concert or taking a culinary class together. She’ll be a lot more receptive to it than you think.

Many young adults do not consider having fun with their mothers, yet mothers are still kids at heart and are ready to play, just waiting for you to ask.

Being on the Defense

There will be moments when your Mom might act overbearing, too critical, or insensitive, in which case you should express your frustration, but aim to do it in a way that lets her know you’re not writing her off.

You want your Mom to understand that she’s still important to you but is not your boss. It can be done in a caring, loving way, but it requires a degree of self-control and not getting too defensive. It’s essential to try to balance being independent and not making her feel rejected. 

Avoiding Each Other

It’s essential to make sure Mom knows you’re not abandoning her. “Keep in touch, be attentive, and tell her you love her.

What’s more, Mom is the best built-in guidebook for life—and you can easily make her feel appreciated by turning to her when you need advice, assistance, or help to raise your kids. 

How to have a better mother-child communication

“Keep the lines of communication open because you never know when a parent might have something worthwhile to contribute to something you’re experiencing.

Strategies for Communicating with a Toxic Mom

If you have a toxic mother, you may react to her most dramatic times by fighting, shouting, crying, hanging up the phone, and acting as she does.

It is challenging to act appropriately when someone significant to you is guilting, manipulating, and generally messing with your emotions. However, it is more beneficial if you learn how to cope with a toxic mother healthily — for the good of both of you.

You may want to read “Why Does My Mom Tell All My Business—tips on Dealing with Gossip Moms.

Establish Boundaries

It may be tough to separate yourself from your mother’s conduct and have the courage to establish healthy boundaries – especially if you’ve been coping with her toxicity for a long time. She’s conditioned you to rely on her, react to her, and go to great lengths to gain her favor. However, setting limits might help you modify the way you engage. Boundaries are critical, but first, you must build the internal self-confidence to define those boundaries.

It may be beneficial to consult with a therapist as you determine what is and is not acceptable. They may assist you in identifying all of the areas of your life where her toxicity has had an effect and which limits will aid in creating a healthy environment.

Talk Seriously About Your Feelings

Find a moment — preferably in a neutral setting — to talk to your mother about how her conduct affects you.

You don’t want to bring this up over breakfast, during a phone call, or after you’ve both had a hard day. If you time it correctly and emphasize the importance of the talk, she may be more willing to listen.

Use “I statements” to keep the attention on yourself while you describe how her words and actions affect you. Allow her to answer before sharing your future limits and asking whether she will be able to respect them. Cool if she agrees. You may refer back to the conversation if she needs a refresher. “Even if it doesn’t work, you’ll feel better knowing you tried.”

You Can Tell Her What You Want

When coping with a toxic relationship, you may want to restrict your discussion with your mother. “It might be beneficial to think back on previous occasions when you have shared personal information with her. “How did she respond?” “Did you feel comfortable, recognized, seen, or judged?” If your mother’s toxicity involves throwing things back in your face or having an out-of-control response, keeping intimate life facts to yourself may be beneficial.

Inform Another Family Member of Your Situation

While it may be tempting to keep this harmful connection hidden, it is beneficial to inform another family member. “Perhaps you aren’t the only one suffering from her poison. You might be able to build an alliance with a sibling or another parent. It will also assist you in knowing that you are not alone in your therapy.

Ignore Toxic Remarks

Another approach? Ignoring any negative remarks. “They are built for involvement, and the moment a response is delivered, you are back in the dynamic, most likely feeling terrible about yourself and unhappy that you engaged. “Instead, laugh to yourself internally and stay neutral. But if you want to respond, you could say, “Mom, I love and care for you, but I will not respond or be able to spend time with you if you say these things. If you can relate to me with empathy and positivity, I am all for spending time together.”

Don’t Take It Personal

While a toxic Mom’s comments can feel very personal, don’t let them affect you, as she is probably that way to others.

Let destructive communications go in one ear and out the other while you remind yourself that this is her “stuff” and her anger or actions have nothing to do with you. It’s not a reflection of who you are.

If challenging emotions start welling up, remove yourself from the situation and reach out to a friend or family member. Vent, ask for advice, or talk about something else until the feeling passes.

Show Empathy

While there is no excuse for bad behavior, be aware that your Mom’s actions may come from the baggage she is carrying.

Your Mom’s conduct may derive from things she has carried over from her history. A toxic parent is frequently nasty because her own needs as a child were not met. You may attempt an empathetic approach to calm her down.”

Consider what is bothering her or why she is overreacting, and reply compassionately and gently. “It seems like you’re quite upset about XYZ,” you say. That must be challenging. Allow her to speak and see whether it leads to a fruitful dialogue. But remember to set limits if she begins bringing you down.

How to communicate better with your mom

Use the “Feedback Sandwich” Strategy

To learn how to communicate better with your Mom, you must develop strategies that work for sharing. One such strategy is the “Feedback Sandwich” strategy.

Because many toxic individuals are averse to feedback, try a “feedback sandwich” the next time, you need to talk to your mother. This is a type of communication in which your constructive criticism is sandwiched between good feedback. Say something good, provide constructive comments, and quickly return to the positive. Going ahead, this may be the most excellent approach to communicate with your mother without the conversation devolving into a scuffle.

A Few Final Words

Figuring out how to communicate better with your Mom may be challenging but not impossible. With the tips on this page, you should be well on your way to communicating more effectively with your Mom. Additionally, you will have a better relationship, as this is always the secondary effect of having excellent communication.

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Christine Udeani, JD
Christine Udeani, JD

Christine is a dedicated mother of six young adults and a teenager who has made significant contributions to the online world through her writing and entrepreneurship. She attended Northwestern University, Strayer University, Thomas M Cooley School of Law, NWCULAW, and holds degrees in business, Law, and Communications. She shares tips and experiences to help young adults and their parents with this generation’s issues.

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