If you are struggling with how to deal with a young adult living at home, you are not alone. Today parents are finding that many young adults are moving back home when other generations were moving out at the same age. There is no reason for panic, as it’s normal for young adults to live at home after graduating from college, but there are things you need to consider before letting your kids stay in your house.
As a mother of six young adults, I have had to deal with grown adults leaving home, returning, and leaving again. As long as this is done in a way that promotes mutual respect, is not too costly to the parents, and does not put them in a place of discomfort, plus, it benefits the young adult, allows them to continue growing, and does not infringe on their privacy.
As long as there is a plan to move out eventually, I don’t see young adults living at home as a problem, and neither should you.
Why Are More Young Adults Living With Their Parents?
Many young adults who live at home do so because they cannot afford the costs associated with living on their own. Others choose to stay at home because they prefer to focus on education and career development rather than finding employment.
Still, others live at home because they are helping their parents out with specific issues, such as providing health assistance. Some say they want to save money, while others prefer to be close to their parents. Still, others feel that staying home allows them to focus on schoolwork without distractions. Whatever the reason, living at home can be challenging for young adults.
A generation ago, many labels were given to young adults who lived at home. This puts a lot of pressure on grown children to find independence and move out quickly. Of course, doing so may come with a lot of hardship as individuals, who do not have the maturity or financial capability to support themselves, were one day in a comfortable home and the next in situations they never imagined possible. And coming home gained them the label loser, mama’s boy, and so on.
Living at home is a common choice among college students today. The Pew Research Center reports that more than half (52%) of 18- to 24-year-olds lived at home during 2020. While this was attributed to the pandemic that year, the trend has remained as many young adults continue to choose to stay at home.
Young Adults Living at Home Problems
Young adults living at home face many challenges that older people don’t. They often struggle with balancing school, work, and family life. In addition, they must learn to manage money and work towards living independently.
Many young adults living at home may become complacent, expecting cooked meals and not contributing to housework or offering financial assistance. Some may start isolating themselves socially because of complacency. They are unhappy with their lives and don’t have many accomplishments. Some gain excessive weight and may even develop anxiety or depression.
Moving out of the house helps a young adult to grow in many areas and should be encouraged by parents.
The Benefits of Living with Parents
Many young adults who live at home find themselves struggling with financial issues. For example, they might be paying rent while still attending college. Or they might be working multiple jobs to pay off student loans. These young adults often feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of adulthood. However, there are many benefits to living at home. Here are some reasons young adults should consider moving back home after graduation.
- Better diet
- Better Health
- Lowered Costs
- Free utilities (in some cases)
- More Luxuries
- Shared chores
- Better Relationship with Parents
- Someone is looking out for you
Why Should you Move Out of your Parent’s House
While there are many benefits to living at home with your parents, there are also several drawbacks that young adults should consider. The most significant is the effect living at home has on your independence and maturity.
Sometimes, parents do not provide the space and environment to encourage you to thrive as a young adult in the real world. They may encroach upon your private area, require you to follow their directions, and not allow you to take risks that you may need to grow. Toxic parents may try to be controlling, compete with you, hate your friends, be verbally abusive, get into all your business, gossip about you, and tell their friends all your business.
Moving out on your own will provide you the opportunity to grow, create your own identity, allow you to struggle and learn how to meet your needs, set up challenges and achieve them, and so much more.
Whether your parents are kind, patient, and very supportive of you, the goal should be to move out of your parent’s house eventually.
Rules for Adults Living with Parents
Beforediscussingoung adults living at home, let’s talk about rules. Many parents don’t like regulations around their young adults because they think it may be disrespectful. Young adults, on the other hand, may resist them because they believe it is childish.
It is essential to set this straight upfront. Rules only help you define expectations and set boundaries, ed below. Setting rules up-front will help both of you clarify what is allowed and what will not be tolerated. If done respectfully, it should not upset anyone and will prevent resentment and conflict while your young adult lives at home.
Below are 10 Effective Tips on How to Deal with a Young Adult Living at Home
Find Out Why They Want to Live With You
You must understand why your young adult is moving back home. Are they moving around to save up for a new home? Are they going to college and need somewhere to stay so they can focus on their studies? Are they looking for a job? Do they want to be close to you? Is their move semi-permanent or temporary? These are all legit questions you should ask as parents, as the answer will help you set up a successful plan for them.
Set Expectations For Young Adults Living at Home
If you’re not honest about what your child expects, they will feel pressured to meet those expectations. This can lead to resentment and disappointment. Instead, tell your child what you hope to see them accomplish when living at home.
If you’re considering allowing your adult child to move back into your home, here are some things you should know before deciding. First, be honest about what you want from your relationship with your child.
Do you want them to help around the house? Are you looking for companionship? Or maybe you want to keep tabs on them. Whatever your reason for wanting to let them live at home, clearly communicate those expectations. Do they have enough money to pay rent? You might want to limit their time watching TV, playing video games, or hanging out with friends.
Let your young adult know what to expect so they can follow clear guidelines and avoid conflict with you.
Let Them Have Their Own Space
Your young adult must have their own space in your home. Think about how much space you have available. Do you have enough room for them to live comfortably? Are there other people who would mind sharing a bedroom?
Remember that although your young adult will always be your baby, they are grown now and need a little more independence. They need space to do their own thing. They may want to hang out with their friends or work from home. Give them a reasonable space based on what you can afford, then allow them a fair amount of privacy in the area you have assigned them.
Don’t Let your Young Adult Take Advantage of You
It’s easy to let your grown children take advantage of you. They’ll try to convince you to buy things you don’t need, go places you don’t want to go, and spend money you don’t have. Be firm with them. Don’t be afraid to say No when you don’t want to do something.
Also, don’t let your young adult guilt you into doing things for them. Also, if you feel like you are starting to wait upon your young adult, for instance, getting up early to make breakfast or having to walk their dog every evening, take a step back, so it does not become an endless chore.
Set Boundaries With Young Adults Living at Home
Set boundaries if you’re dealing with a grown child living at home. Some parents don’t mind sharing, but if you don’t set clear boundaries, how will your young adults know what to or not to do? Don’t allow them to use your credit cards, borrow your car, or stay out late without letting you know where they are if you have a problem with these actions. Let them know upfront if you don’t want them to bring strangers into your home.
Think of anything your young adult will likely do that may become an issue. For example, you might want to limit their time spent watching TV or playing video games. Make sure you address this with them. Let them know what you will allow or not allow in your home.
It’s important to discuss any issues between you and your adult child. This will help you avoid misunderstandings that lead to conflict and keep communication open.
Give Young Adults Living at Home Responsibility
If you decide to let your young adult stay with you, ensure they understand they will need to take responsibility for their own lives as well as help out with the upkeep of the house. Let them know that you expect them to be independent and self-sufficient. This means they should take care of things that affect them, such as contributing to expenses and helping around the house.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Money
It’s not uncommon for young adults to struggle financially when they move out of their parent’s house. However, there are ways to help them through this transition. First, talk to them about money. Ensure they understand that they must pay rent, buy groceries, and pay for phone bills and car insurance. Also, teach them how to save money so they can afford these expenses later.
Let Them Work For Their Own Money
Because parents want to do the very best for their children, even when they become young adults, it is easy to fall prey to bad habits that spoil them and affect their growth. One such bad habits is giving pocket money to grown children.
Encourage your young adult to get a job, and let them work for their own money. This will allow them to learn responsibility and budgeting skills. They’ll also gain confidence by earning their own income.
Allow Them to Make Contributions
You will want to help your grown child find a job if they are not working. There are many ways to do this, such as asking friends who work in the field your child wants to enter or looking online for jobs in that area. If your child has been working since they were 16, it’s time to start helping out with bills. Doing so teaches them responsibility and independence. Encourage them to purchase groceries or other items used for running the home, especially if they eat at home and use household supplies. W
You’ll want to set up a budget for your grown child. Ensure your young adult knows their monthly expenses, including car payments, insurance, etc. Teach your child how to manage money wisely. Teach them to save money, pay bills on time, and avoid credit card debt.
Have Fun Together
Your young adult will not be with you forever, so you should ensure that your relationship stays fun and upbeat. Make time to do things you both enjoy and attend events together. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist if you’re having trouble doing so. They can help you work out any issues that might be causing tension between you and your grown child.
A Few Final Words
While this post gives you great tips on dealing with a young adult living at home, the goal is to have a positive relationship with your young adult. You also want to help them reach a level of maturity and confidence to move out independently. Remember that you are still their parent and should always be available to provide support and guidance.