Most parents seeking information on “How to motivate 25 year old son” have already tried many strategies without the best results. There can be a few reasons for this. Most young adults in their 20s are pretty set in their ways. While you can convince them to try something new, they have to want to work with you. That means trust, respect, and vulnerability all come into play.
To motivate your 25-year-old son, you must have earned their confidence. This means that no matter what you think of them, you must approach them with kindness, respect, and a workable plan, show support, allow them to fail without criticism, and be willing to help them with resources they may not have.
I will keep this post simple. We will examine why your 25-year-old son or another young adult may resist working with you to get an education, plan their careers or to motivate your young adult to get a job. I will also offer ten practical tips on motivating young adults that may work for your son.
A Few Reasons Why it is Challenging to Motivate 25 Year old Son
A significant reason grown children lack motivation is the effects of poor communication in their adolescent years.
According to psychologists, the behaviors our young adults show today may indicate your communication history. Today, you may see a rude young adult who ignores you when you talk, may not trust you and does not want to work with you. This could result from the unintentional harsh verbal discipline you have used in the past or other relationship problems from people that have been in positions of closeness or authority with your child.
By the time your child is 25 years old, they already have a history with life. They may have responded by exhibiting internalizing behaviors such as acting like they don’t care, social withdrawal, eating disorders, low self-esteem, and low motivation.
Other things that may affect your grown child’s motivation include laziness, fear of failure, lack of clear direction, and inadequacy of resources.
Tips on How to Motivate Your Young Adult Son Follow:
Stop Using Poor Communication Strategies to Motivate your Child
The first tip is to improve your communication with your son.
If you are having difficulty motivating your 25-year-old son, you are most likely still using communication strategies that have not worked for you in the past. Many parents yell at their grown children, criticize them, use harsh words on them, compare them to others, talk down to them, or completely ignore them when they are not doing what you expect.
In a recent study, researchers Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny state that using psychological force to cause a child to experience emotional pain or discomfort to correct or control misbehavior may adversely affect their overall behavior.
Some of the outcomes of harsh verbal discipline include internalizing disorders (Donovan & Brassard, 2011), including lowered motivation.
Parents who use poor communication skills to correct their children may instead result in internalizing disorders in youth (Donovan & Brassard, 2011). Internalization may affect one’s level of motivation.
If you can improve how you communicate with your son, his relationship with you will be better, he will trust you more, and they will be more ready to accept your guidance.
Be Direct With Them
Talk to your child about what you need to motivate them. For most parents, it is about getting a job, following a career path, or furthering their education. When you talk to them, be respectful and direct. Let them know what you expect of them and what they can do. If they are burdening you by not working, let them know.
Being direct without resorting to insults or other harsh language means that you are starting on the same page. Whether it is favorable or not, you both clearly understand what is expected.
Many parents hint at what they want done or what you should be doing rather than saying what they want directly. Avoiding direct conversation with your son will only allow him to avert direct conversations to you equally.
“Look through these job opportunities and tell me what you think.” is more effective than, “Do you think you will have time to look at these jobs?”
Understand What they Want
Sometimes young adults become immobilized when torn between what they want for themselves and what they believe you wish for them. Such conflict may slow them down and make them appear as though they are unmotivated.
I love to use the example of my husband and my first son, where my husband, an educator and pharmacist, was convinced that his son should also have a career in healthcare. And he wanted to teach him everything he knew.
My son was given as much tutoring as we could afford in science subjects, and we connected him with multiple physicians. Hence, he could enter operating rooms to monitor procedures and follow doctors to do their rounding.
After two summers of being involved in the healthcare field, he came to us and said, “…The more you send me to these places, the more I know that this is not what I will be doing with my life.”
Well, we listened, allowed him to tell us what he wanted to do, and gave him the necessary support.
Today, he is happily involved in the world of Web3 Content Marketing and UX/UI design. He excels in this field. He is happy as a designer and creator, and we could not be more pleased with all he has achieved for himself.
This reminds me of an adage about a lizard in the water unable to show any skill, and all we see is them is the struggle to avoid drowning. But when put on a tree, it will appear to be a very skilled climber simply because they are doing what they were born to do.
Talk to your grown son, and find out what they want to do for themselves. It may not be your plan for them, but that does not mean it is not a good plan. The sooner you resolve this conflict, the sooner you can start enjoying a better relationship with a more motivated son.
Help them Plan
Some people get stalled because they don’t have a plan and are unsure of where to start. With young adults, starting a career, job search or school, planning and knowing the necessary steps to take can pose a huge challenge.
Understand what your 25-year old son wants to do. Sit down with them and create a plan, preferably small blocks of goals that they can tackle one at a time, leading to a definite outcome.
Planning with your younger children or grown children will help them develop the right habits with wich to approach larger projects. Also seeing the end of a project, makes it easier for an individual to be motivate to engage in the process.
Help them Find Opportunities
Building on planning, you should also help your adult son, to look for opportunities. Whether it is applying for college, finding financing, getting a job, or moving out. They can become unmotivated if they keep running into dead ends. Use your experience to help them find opportunities that can help them accomplish their goals, and avoid obstacles or road blocks.
Finding opportunities may include creating or helping your son to find resources that are at their disposal. For instance, if they are unmotivated because they cannot
Help them With Taking the First Few Steps
Whether it is reviewing their resumes, attending a job fair with them, or attending a school orientation. To motivate your 25-year-old son, they should feel that they are on the journey with them, no matter the project.
Sometimes we underestimate the importance of showing up for our children, including adult children. And even when they act like they don’t need your presence. Even as older adults, some projects are daunting and we wish we could have someone there with us. Being available to take the first few steps to assist your grown children with what they are doing is going to help you with motivation. You will find that even if they resist upfront, they will be appreciative eventually.
Get them Training if Necessary
Sometimes people get stalled if they are trying to start a project, but don’t have enough knowledge to get started. If your child is stalled because of knowledge, help them by finding and getting the appropriate training to get them underway.
Luckily, YouTube has a lot to offer in terms of training, but that involves seiving through the messy to get to helpful information. Also, you can register them in a Community college for some semi-formal training or they can choose to go to a 4-year university.
Bottomline, there is training available for most things, if your 25-year old son is stranded and showing a lack of motivation, you should be able to find beneficial training with your guidance.
Help them Find a Mentor
Some children will listen more to someone that is not a parent figure, and be prepared to follow their guidance. If your young adult is one of such people, then maybe you should consider getting them a mentor.
Mentors don’t just help your child with a specific project. They also help with life skills, planning and accountability.
Finding a mentor is not too difficult, as many local organizations offer mentors through local clubs and other communities.
Become their Accountability Partner
You may also become an accountability partner for your child. As an accountability partner may help in planning, but must definitely helps is making sure you accomplish all that you intend to. When you set up goals for a period of time, you may shirk on some activities if no one is watching.
Without adding stress, or acting like they are hovering over your shoulder, an accountability partner will recall your goals to you, and help you stay on track.
Be there to Support them When they Fail
Nobody wants to fail, and that includes your 25-year-old son. But, failure happens to be a part of life. As a matter of fact, we have been shown that you must fail so many times to succeed.
Failing has its pluses. It is a great opportunity to learn new things, to gain new strategies, but especially to feel the love of those who are there to pick you up, and to learn that you are not alone. Wouldn’t you love to be one of those people there to pick up your son when he fails and to keep supporting them through their successes.
In a Few Final Words
Asking, how to motivate my 25-year old son tells of your wish to see your son succeed. A strong indicator of parental love and commitment. Hopefully the tips on this post can guide you with determining what you can do, or stop doing to help your grown child.