9 Reasons to Kick Your Child Out Of Your Home

reasons to kick your child out

Can it ever be OK as a parent to find reasons to kick your child out of your home? According to Pew Research, more and more young adults are living with their parents today. The study was as recent as July 2022 and said that 50% of young adults between the ages of 18 – 29 are living with their parents. The study further suggests that there is almost a 50/50 split on whether this trend is good or bad for society. Regardless of where you stand on this issue and how illogical the thought may be to you, there may come a time when you need to help your kids move on.

This post looks at why parents may have to take a firm stand on moving their children out of the home and how to do so with minimal damage to their relationship.

BELOW ARE 9 REASONS TO KICK YOUR CHILD OUT

Our instinct is undeniable to love and protect our children; to many, this means giving them a home, nourishment, and comfort. And for the most part, as parents, we strive to do so, even under the most challenging circumstances. And those beautiful babies we once held in our hands grow in the shelter we have put over their heads and soon become young adults.

Here is where it may get complicated.

Some parents believe in allowing their children to continue to live in their family homes until they are ready to move on. Others believe in gently nudging their children out of the nest.

If your young adult remains in your home, when is it OK to kick them out? For some parents, it is when they become too much of a challenge to continue living at home, such as when they become toxic to the home environment, their siblings, their parent’s health, and property. For others, it is when they need a little help taking the next step to independence.

To Help Them Take the Next Step Toward Independence

While most parents don’t consider kicking their children out, this stringent step may be taken when you have grown children that show no interest in moving out of their family home. Some young adults will become comfortable living with their parents into their 30s and sometimes 40s.

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Guiding young adults in their 20s to become financially able to afford to live independently and helping them acquire a home is a logical step many parents may take to help their grown child gain independence.

Some parents may not see moving their children out of their homes as a necessary step to independence. And for parents who hold this view, this is OK. As the cost of living continues to rise, purchasing new homes becomes more and more impossible. Many people may not see this as necessary or as a reason to kick their child out.

When they become Disrespectful

They are young adults who do not show much respect for their parents. As they age, they may become more disrespectful to their parents, siblings, and to property. This can quickly become irritating for parents who are also getting older and don’t need to deal with lousy adult behavior.

If your child cannot show you respect in your home, it may be time to kick them out.

What else can you do when your grown child is disrespectful?

If they start Abusing Property or Stealing From You

Some parents have to deal with grown children that intend to do no good. They treat property in their family home abusively, destructively use items, take things without permission, or intentionally steal from you.

This can create stress and conflict in a home, as parents can never find things where they put them. It can also be costly as you may find that you keep replacing items you already own.

Suppose your young adult is destroying your items, not respecting your property or boundaries, or stealing your things. In that case, you may want to discuss this with them to let them know how distasteful you find this behavior. You can set limits and discuss consequences if they continue this behavior.

However, if they are unwilling to change, it may be time to consider showing them the way out.

Not Helping Out or Paying Rent

If you find that you are doing more than 50% of the work in your home and taking care of all or most of the bills while living with your adult child, it may be time to kick them out.

This is not unkindness, as it forces your child to learn to share in responsibilities which they benefit from. A behavior young adults need to develop to teach them to contribute to their communities and society in general.

When their Behavior is Detrimental to Health

As parents, we are willing to take on a lot, even to the detriment of our health. Most parents don’t think about their levels of stress, anxiety, depression, or distress when dealing with their children. Sometimes the detriment is to your physical health, such as raised blood pressure, headaches, chest pains, etc. It could also affect your emotional health.

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At other times, it could be to the grown child’s health. They may have behaviors affecting their health, causing anxiety, panic attacks, or depression. They may act out when they disagree with you or exhibit behaviors that are not acceptable to both of you.

Bad behavior does not come from children alone. Some parents act poorly, too; your actions may affect your grown adult’s health, just as their actions may affect yours.

If your child’s presence in your home results in health problems for you or your young adult, it may be time for them to move on.

Kick your Child Out if They are Abusive

Some parents are victims of abuse in their own homes.

Grown children may physically or emotionally abuse their parents. Some parents become too scared to stand up to these children. They may not wish to involve authorities to avoid escalating things, and they may become complacent.

When your adult child is exhibiting behavior that is emotionally or physically abusive to you, you may feel threatened in your own home, and your environment may become highly uncomfortable. If you are a victim of abuse, you can get help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline or some other domestic violence resource.

The bottom line, an abusive child, has no place in your home. This is a reason to kick your child out, for your safety and the safety of others.

Is Your Grown Child Taking Advantage of You?

According to Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., troubled grown children will manipulate their frustrated and desperate parents. He also says that allowing your child to manipulate you enables their troubling behavior.

reasons to kick your child out

Most parents allow themselves to be manipulated by their adult children out of guilt. As parents, we want to see our children succeed, and we will do anything for them. Sometimes decisions we make for them may not work out as we intend. Also, they may not be doing as well as we wish. This leads parents to a place of guilt. When parents feel guilt, they are easier to manipulate.

When a child is taking advantage of their parent, both parties lose. The parent because they become a victim of manipulation. The child because they get stuck in manipulative behavior, and instead of taking steps to grow, they are stuck in getting their way through deception.

Young adults will continue to manipulate their parents because it is a strategy that has worked for them.

The power to break the cycle of manipulation between you and your child lies in your hands. If your grown child is manipulative and taking advantage of you, you should stand firm and not allow it. If you cannot stand up to your child, you may want to get them out of your immediate environment.

If you Can’t Afford Them

If your grown child is living at home, but the cost of keeping them in your home is beyond your means, you should discuss them helping out with bills and the cost of living. Young adults should be able to afford themselves and not be a burden on their parents.

Sometimes they are in between jobs, and that is understandable. But if they cannot afford themselves because they don’t want to get a job or don’t want to help, it is not your responsibility to “keep” them. Especially where it weighs on you financially. It may be time to consider kicking them out.

Doing so may be more of an act of love than anything else.

A Few Final Words

Parents hate to think that a time will come when they feel like kicking out their own children, no matter how old they are. But grown children are their own people, and you are no longer responsible for them. If living with your child creates a toxic environment where you cannot thrive together, you should do something about it. This may be one of many reasons to kick your child out.

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Christine Udeani, JD
Christine Udeani, JD

Christine is a dedicated mother of six young adults and a teenager who has made significant contributions to the online world through her writing and entrepreneurship. She attended Northwestern University, Strayer University, Thomas M Cooley School of Law, NWCULAW, and holds degrees in business, Law, and Communications. She shares tips and experiences to help young adults and their parents with this generation’s issues.

Find me on: Web | Twitter

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