If you are thinking, why does my mom tell all my business? You are not alone. Many young people feel that their parents are always talking about them. And as if that is not enough, they share things that are personal to you with their friends, co-workers, boss, neighbors, and everyone they talk to! The worst part is when there is no filter to what your mom is willing to share. They may treat good, bad, and humiliating news with the same level of discretion, none!
Why does my mom tell all my business? The answer is not as simple as you might imagine. Maybe she is intrigued with your stories, she is constantly thinking about you or trying to resolve your problems, she wants to brag about your achievements, or she is exasperated by something you have done recently. Moms may share your information out of love and admiration, but not always. Sometimes moms share your business because they want to have something to say to fill the space, and other times out of spite (sad but true) or desperation.
Since this issue will most likely continue without intervention, this post intends to go past the point to address how you can stop your mom or anyone else from talking about your personal life.
So, Why Does My Mom Tell All My Business?
Should I Be Bothered If Mom Tells My Business?
You absolutely should be bothered if mom tells your business. Individuals like to know that there is someone they can trust with their private information, so why not mom? Furthermore, when mom tells your business to her friends, who is to say that her friends will not share stories about you with their family or others? And God forbid they end up being your work colleagues or something. Now your private information has somehow ended up in your circle. Let’s hope it’s not something embarrassing!
A Right to Privacy:
Young People may be bothered when mom tells all their business because, as human beings, we enjoy privacy. And if you are one of the few that don’t mind, you have the right to divulge things that concern you rather than someone else.
It is Easy to Experience Embarassmemt or Humiliation
Sometimes information that mom shares with her friends may be embarrassing or outright humiliating such as when you are struggling with something private, for instance, bedwetting or low grades. Imagine walking into a room full of people you know, and they already know you failed a test yesterday or that you were arrested for DUI.
Most parents may assign a degree of privacy to different events in your life. They may tell the things they think are not so embarrassing, and for those they feel are absolutely compromising, they may hold back for your permission. This is still not OK.
Everyone Knows Your Goals and Aspirations
It could be unpleasant when everyone knows what you are up to. This can put a young adult under pressure. Unwarranted advice will be rendered from people you may not care for their advice and so on.
You May Feel Like An Open Book
Sometimes it is challenging to know that nothing is left of your private life. Everybody knows you dropped out of school and your Etsy store closed down. People ask you if you feel better. Are you seeing a psychologist yet? Grandma wants to know if you failed last semester and if you plan on retaking a class.
Feeling that everyone knows everything about you can be extremely daunting.
Get Caught in White Lies
If mom tells all your business, you will be caught in a white lie sooner or later. Hopefully, you don’t tell lies.
How To Deal With A Gossip Mother
Most parents don’t intend to embarrass their children when they share information with their friends. Most likely, those friends are already sharing similar information about their families, making it comfortable for your mom to want to share your business.
If you see your mom sharing stories about you that you don’t want her to, tell her how you feel about it. It may be impossible to get her to share none at all. Instead, she may be more discreet in doing so. But allowing her to know that it is unacceptable to you and setting reasonable boundaries will help her filter what she shares.
Also, most parents don’t want to hurt their children’s feelings. If they understand that sharing what they may have considered harmless information is offensive to you, they most likely will tone down this behavior.
As a mom, I love my young adults to share their lives with me, including their deepest secrets, but respect goes both ways. I understand that their sharing their information with me is based on trust. And while I can use such information to help them resolve issues they deal with (so it is helpful to me), I cannot expect to be privy to such communications if I flippantly tell everyone what I know.
Avoid Sharing Embarrassing Information:
If you find that even though you have communicated your distaste for the sharing of your business to your mom, for some reason, she continues, then it is time for you to step up and control the information that your mom has.
Most people may avoid reacting when upset because they believe their moms may perceive their actions as disrespectful or overreacting. On the contrary, firm and controlled reactions may help your mom understand how strongly you feel about this issue. Helping your mom appreciate your feelings about her sharing your business with everyone she knows may stop this behavior.
Don’t Feel Overly Offended
While having your mom tell your secrets and more might be offensive, try not to feel too bad about it since she may not stop the habit immediately. Try to overcome the embarrassment by thinking of the information differently. You can own it, ignore it or even deny it. Think of it this way, every time you feel offended, your stress level goes up. This becomes a health detriment when it shouldn’t be.
Give Your Mom Time to Adjust to Not Telling All Your Business
Your mom is not a villain that wants to expose all your secrets. She is probably just caught up in life. Exchanging stories is normal between moms and people they know. Any typical mom who finds out that sharing your business is upsetting to you will naturally try to tone down this behavior.
Your mom telling your business may be spontaneous or out of a bad habit. She may not intend to, especially after you have communicated, but do not be surprised if she does again. This does not mean she cannot be trusted or wants to ruin your life. She may need a little time to readjust.
While reminding her about your dislike for sharing your information, show a little patience, and hopefully, you may resume your relationship without developing any hard feelings.
What Should I Not Tell My Mom?
It is helpful to have a relationship with your mom where you can tell her everything, as most moms are very helpful with solving issues. However, if you have a toxic mom, which we have established here may be a norm for most families, and you feel she is working against you; you may want to take action to protect yourself.
So, if by asking, why does my mom tell all my business, and you want to know what you should not disclose to your mom, to protect yourself? I have compiled a list below of 7 types of information you may want to keep from your mom.
7 Things You Should Not Tell A Toxic Mom
1) Embarrassing information:
If I am a young lady seeing my period for the first time, or if I find myself bedwetting due to some stress, I should want to share such information with my mom to find a positive way to handle it. But what if that information ends up in the wrong ears because my mom tells all my business to her friends? What if I walk into class tomorrow and people are snickering because my mom’s friend shared the information with her kids?
If you have a mom who shares all your business with her friends, you probably understand the scenarios I have posted above, or maybe you have a few that are unique to you.
My first tip is always to talk your mom out of sharing your information. However, if you have tried this and it doesn’t work, it is time to take matters into your hands, starting with eliminating embarrassing information.
What are you embarrassed by? Some people are embarrassed by the littlest things, such as a show they may be watching on Netflix, and others have more profound problems, such as diagnosed depression or anxiety, that they may not want to share with the world.
While you can never control all information (a good example may be a diagnosis), there are those you can manage, such as information your mom does not know unless you tell her. Learn to tell her just what you want her to know while you continue to work with mom on sharing information that is private to you.
2) Sensitive information
Sensitive information is usually information that may not be embarrassing but that you want to keep from others. This could be your test scores or grades and so on. It may not be embarrassing that you got your nose pierced, but you may not want others to know about it. Also, you may have a condition that is not secret or embarrassing, but it may be sensitive to you, and you don’t want others to know about it.
3) Failures and Challenges
Did you fail an entrance examination such as the SAT, LSAT, PCAT, or MCAT? Maybe you had to try several times to achieve the desired score. This information may be private to you, and you may not want to share it with your mom’s friends.
If your mom tells all your business, then you may want to withhold information about your failures and challenges, as this always makes a juicy story for competitive moms.
4) Prospective Information
Are you trying to get a promotion? Do you think you can make it into an Ivy League college? Do you want to receive the best student award? These are prospective items that a young adult could be working towards.
In private, you may be able to compete effectively, but once everyone knows your aspirations, they may share with all the wrong people, and suddenly, the pressure is on!
Imagine your boss finds out that you want his position just because your mom told a friend of hers, and to make things worse, she even tells her friend why she thinks you are better qualified than the boss for this position.
If your mom tells all your business to her friends, you may want to keep prospective information from her until later.
5) Goals and Aspirations
Goals and aspirations are great to share with positive moms as they are there to help you plan, root for your success, and stand in as an accountability partner.
But, if you have a mom who is more excited about sharing your goals than accomplishing them, you have a problem. When your goals are shared, some people feel excessive pressure. Others will show negativity because not everyone wants to see your progress.
If you have a mom that shares your goals and aspirations without your approval, you should start sharing these goals only after you have achieved them.
It is very common for well-meaning moms to share your weaknesses with their siblings, friends, and co-workers.
It is funny; I was in the middle of writing this post when a friend called me to talk, and somewhere in the middle of that conversation, she asked what my daughter was doing to stay so skinny. She went on to add that her daughter “…badly wants to lose weight, but she can’t stop eating.”
Everyone has struggles and weaknesses, but those struggles are not always evident to people outside your family circle. If your mom, as someone privy to your challenges, wants to share them with others, make sure to communicate your displeasure to her, and if she continues to do so, find someone else to share your struggles with.
Successes should be celebrated, right? But sometimes young people are private and want to share their accomplishments with only significant people. As moms, we should all respect the good wishes of our young adults. If you can’t do this, it may be time for our grown kids to cut us off from the good, bad, and ugly news in their lives.
A Few Final Words
Still wondering, “Why does my mom tell all my business?” Understand that moms may not mean to, but that does not mean they cannot stop or be stopped. As I stated at this post’s onset, respect goes both ways. And as a young adult, you have the power to stop your gossip mom from sharing your private information.